No Friend of Morla's

The other day I got an email from a close family member. She asked me how I was doing so I told her. I described my incredible Friday night in detail, making sure to sound as positive and upbeat as possible. Then I mentioned my health issues. In one sentence I told her that I’m not feeling so great and a fourth surgery is probably going to be inevitable. The gist of my email was uplifting and optimistic. No matter what is happening to my body, I still have so much to look forward to- both in this life and in the life to come.

Unfortunately, not everyone chooses to see the glass as half full. This family member that I love so much also suffers from chronic pain. The difference between her and me (her and I?) is that she stays in a perpetual state of negativity and depression. No matter how much I try and point her toward the Light and happy, feel-good thoughts she continues to remain stuck in the mud with Morla, the Ancient One. Like Morla, she seems to be allergic to joy. For obvious reasons, I can’t be around this person for very long.

Chronic pain is debilitating, depressing, and exhausting. It messes with every aspect of the human body. It causes major grouchiness, feelings of despair and hopelessness, and an overall dark cloud over the sufferer. Medication may or may not ease the discomfort but there is only one thing that can penetrate the cobwebs in the mind. When a person chooses to walk with Jesus and chooses to see beyond his or herself, chronic pain becomes more of a nuisance than a way of life.

I have had a rough few weeks. I’ve been doubled over in pain, weak, and flat out exhausted. I have snapped at my husband, yelled at my child, and gone to bed crying. Despite the bad moods, I have also had incredible joy and peace in the midst of my pain. I see God working and answering prayers and I am amazed at his love for me. It’s not all bad and I make it a point to write down every good thing so that I can look back and remember it when I hit a rough patch. I refuse to allow my body or what it does keep me from finishing my race. I refuse to become best friends with Morla or allow the Nothing to hunt me down and capture me. It simply will not happen.

In this life we are going to have troubles and the pain is going to come. We are not guaranteed sunshine and daisies; we are only promised that we won’t go through it alone. Today I am one step closer to meeting my hero. In spite of my weakened body, there’s still a lot of bounce in me yet. The butterflies are dancing in my spirit as I rest and wait for my turn to come.