Reaching Toward Raindrops

In my dream I was standing in the rain. The darkness of night embraced me like an old friend. The warm, wet drops came in a torrent and I was jubilant with glee. My white shirt was soaked to the skin but still, that was not enough. She came outside to join me and together we laughed and danced beneath Heaven’s praises. We were seemingly oblivious to the battle scars we had inflicted on each other. I noticed a child size swimming pool filling up with increasing speed. Together we dove in and immersed ourselves in the soothing water. We swam and played like we ourselves were children as the rain continued to pour down on us…

February 24, 2003
God and I finally made our peace. With each passing day I get stronger and I hear him a little bit better than I did before. I’m on a mission to find out exactly what he wants me to be doing with my life. I want to experience all that he has planned for me. I want to be blessed and I want to bless others with my abilities. I came out of the dark hole and now I’m ready to walk into the sunlight. My eyes are slowly adjusting to the world around me and the brighter it becomes the more I want to experience it to the fullest. I’ve been in a desert for so long and now I’m thirsty for God in every sense of the word.

I understand that I don’t have time to be angry and hold grudges. People are not going to remember me for all those that I’ve learned to forgive. They will remember me for the ways I made a positive impact in their life. The things that I was angry about before are becoming less and less important. I know I’m loved and all the things I need are right within my reach.

My biggest obstacle is myself. It’s crazy how we do that, isn’t it? God has all these blessings that are right in front of us. All we have to do is pick up our feet and start walking toward them. We make it so much harder when we take the long way around or ignore them altogether. We build these giant brick walls that stand smack in the way of our dreams. Then we get mad at God because we can’t find the very thing that we ourselves locked up and put away.

All God wants me to do is stop building and start listening for his voice. So I’ve stopped the construction. I’m ready to start seeking him out and finding all that he has waiting for me. Whatever gets in my way will be pushed aside because I don’t have time anymore. Everything ugly that I insist on embracing must be surrendered. How am I ever going to be able to hug Jesus if all I have are rocks in my arms?