Happy Memorial Day Weekend! I'm switching gears and changing directions. I will no longer be adding posts to this blog but you are welcome to read through the archives for encouragement. Come join me on the battlegrounds at my new blog, Embattled Warrior. Everyone is fighting something and when we stand together and lift each other up we become victorious. What are you fighting for?
At this new blog look for updated posts, pictures, videos, and an occasional book giveaway. Bring your friends and see you on the front lines!
http://fightingvictorious.blogspot.com/
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I'm posting at Jewels of Encouragement today. Drop by and leave me a comment? Happy Easter!
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Happy Thursday! I'm over at Jewels of Encouragement today. Pop in and say hi!
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Some bloggy friends of mine have inspired me to dig deep. I'm in a retrospective kind of mood and even though it's only Tuesday, I figure what the heck? Here's what I've been up to lately...
Lately I've been on my face before God-contrite, weary, and hungering for more of him.
Lately I've been having lots of fun playing with my new phone. I can play pacman now!
Lately I have decided that I need less facebook and more time in the Good Book.
Lately I have been in an enourmous amount of pain and I'm actually looking forward to surgery.
Lately I have wondered what people truly think of me and if I would even want to know the answer to that question.
Lately I have been reminded that God loves me unconditionally and that's all that really matters.
Lately I have vowed to be slower to speak and quicker to listen.
Lately I have been praying for Japan and wondering how I can help.
Lately I have been working on a new Thomas Kincade puzzle. I forgot how the simple act of putting the pieces together takes me to my happy place.
Lately I have lost weight- 5 pounds off the body, the whole world off my back. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.
Lately I've been surrounded by sick people and have not caught anything! Vitamin C is my friend.
Lately I've been incredibly thankful for the roof over my head.
What about you? What's have you been up to lately?
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I'm over at Everyday Christian today. Hop on over and say hi to me!
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In a strange way I feel a strong connection with my brothers and sisters in Japan. I've just emerged from a raging storm that has thoroughly leveled what little progress I'd made in my spiritual walk. I'm exhausted and sore from sifting through the rubble in search of something salvageable. I hear the cries in my subconcious-"You're worthless! You're such a waste!" and every day is a battle to climb out of the pit. The good news is that I am climbing out and I'm slowly starting to rebuild that which was destroyed. Amid the lies of Satan, I am yet reminded- He is still with me. I wrote this poem several years ago but I find it ironic that today I can still identify with it.
The Cross Remains
I've walked among the lilies that bloomed in spring's new birth.
I've hung my head in sorrow as I wiped away the dirt
of a few long, hard lessons traveled on unfamiliar sod.
I've cried the tears of wretched pain to a nameless, faceless God.
Of all the life I've lived 'till now and all that's still to come
I can say with perfect certainty I know that I am loved.
He speaks in silent whispers and his word is always true.
He said, "Life is hard but I am peace and I will always be with you.
I'll send my spirit in to sweep the pain of yesterday away.
When all is gone, rest well my child.
The cross will still remain.
The ashes flutter to the ground as the last spark disappears.
Now all that's left is a thick dust signaling the end of another year.
A barren wasteland covered in white remnants of the past.
I walk along still holding on the assurance of my master's plan.
Tomorrow is a mystery, could be anybody's guess.
Will all I have go up in flames or is this part of a greater test?
I'll cling with hope to the one I know who's ways are not my own.
With confidence I'll stand before him boldly at his throne.
When everything has burned to ash and there's nothing left to say,
I cannot see the road ahead but
The cross will still remain.
The past and future dance, two lovers on a summer's eve.
Never fully embracing, they drink of time's sweet melody.
They know that when the hour comes they'll finally be as one.
For now they're happy just to serve the one who created them.
For they know that time in all its seasons will someday pass away.
When all that's left is the air they breathe
The cross will still remain.
”Have no fear, I'm never far away.
When all seems lost, look up my child.
The cross still remains.”
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Happy Saturday! I'm over at EveryChristian today so stop by and say hello!
http://www.everydaychristian.com/blogs/post/9736/
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In my dream I was standing in the rain. The darkness of night embraced me like an old friend. The warm, wet drops came in a torrent and I was jubilant with glee. My white shirt was soaked to the skin but still, that was not enough. She came outside to join me and together we laughed and danced beneath Heaven’s praises. We were seemingly oblivious to the battle scars we had inflicted on each other. I noticed a child size swimming pool filling up with increasing speed. Together we dove in and immersed ourselves in the soothing water. We swam and played like we ourselves were children as the rain continued to pour down on us…
February 24, 2003
God and I finally made our peace. With each passing day I get stronger and I hear him a little bit better than I did before. I’m on a mission to find out exactly what he wants me to be doing with my life. I want to experience all that he has planned for me. I want to be blessed and I want to bless others with my abilities. I came out of the dark hole and now I’m ready to walk into the sunlight. My eyes are slowly adjusting to the world around me and the brighter it becomes the more I want to experience it to the fullest. I’ve been in a desert for so long and now I’m thirsty for God in every sense of the word.
I understand that I don’t have time to be angry and hold grudges. People are not going to remember me for all those that I’ve learned to forgive. They will remember me for the ways I made a positive impact in their life. The things that I was angry about before are becoming less and less important. I know I’m loved and all the things I need are right within my reach.
My biggest obstacle is myself. It’s crazy how we do that, isn’t it? God has all these blessings that are right in front of us. All we have to do is pick up our feet and start walking toward them. We make it so much harder when we take the long way around or ignore them altogether. We build these giant brick walls that stand smack in the way of our dreams. Then we get mad at God because we can’t find the very thing that we ourselves locked up and put away.
All God wants me to do is stop building and start listening for his voice. So I’ve stopped the construction. I’m ready to start seeking him out and finding all that he has waiting for me. Whatever gets in my way will be pushed aside because I don’t have time anymore. Everything ugly that I insist on embracing must be surrendered. How am I ever going to be able to hug Jesus if all I have are rocks in my arms?
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The other day I got an email from a close family member. She asked me how I was doing so I told her. I described my incredible Friday night in detail, making sure to sound as positive and upbeat as possible. Then I mentioned my health issues. In one sentence I told her that I’m not feeling so great and a fourth surgery is probably going to be inevitable. The gist of my email was uplifting and optimistic. No matter what is happening to my body, I still have so much to look forward to- both in this life and in the life to come.
Unfortunately, not everyone chooses to see the glass as half full. This family member that I love so much also suffers from chronic pain. The difference between her and me (her and I?) is that she stays in a perpetual state of negativity and depression. No matter how much I try and point her toward the Light and happy, feel-good thoughts she continues to remain stuck in the mud with Morla, the Ancient One. Like Morla, she seems to be allergic to joy. For obvious reasons, I can’t be around this person for very long.
Chronic pain is debilitating, depressing, and exhausting. It messes with every aspect of the human body. It causes major grouchiness, feelings of despair and hopelessness, and an overall dark cloud over the sufferer. Medication may or may not ease the discomfort but there is only one thing that can penetrate the cobwebs in the mind. When a person chooses to walk with Jesus and chooses to see beyond his or herself, chronic pain becomes more of a nuisance than a way of life.
I have had a rough few weeks. I’ve been doubled over in pain, weak, and flat out exhausted. I have snapped at my husband, yelled at my child, and gone to bed crying. Despite the bad moods, I have also had incredible joy and peace in the midst of my pain. I see God working and answering prayers and I am amazed at his love for me. It’s not all bad and I make it a point to write down every good thing so that I can look back and remember it when I hit a rough patch. I refuse to allow my body or what it does keep me from finishing my race. I refuse to become best friends with Morla or allow the Nothing to hunt me down and capture me. It simply will not happen.
In this life we are going to have troubles and the pain is going to come. We are not guaranteed sunshine and daisies; we are only promised that we won’t go through it alone. Today I am one step closer to meeting my hero. In spite of my weakened body, there’s still a lot of bounce in me yet. The butterflies are dancing in my spirit as I rest and wait for my turn to come.
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So that’s what it’s like. That’s what I have to look forward to. Oh wow. It is 12:04 on a Saturday morning and I am wide awake. An hour and a half ago I got home from a place I didn’t even know I was going to go. A good friend of mine had two concert tickets to see one of my favorite performers. She had planned to see the show with her husband who opted out at the last minute. She called me just four hours before people started lining up and invited me to go with her. Because her husband gave his ticket away, I was presented with a wonderful opportunity to see one of my hero live on stage just ten minutes away from my house. Thrilled does not quite describe how I felt.
We arrived at the concert and were truly blessed. Just being there surrounded by so many others who adored this guy like I did was a gift in itself. I was exactly where I wanted to be- not because I asked and not because I deserved to be there. I was there simply because the gift was offered to me and I said yes. Everything was amazing. We worshipped God, we laughed, and we cried. When it was all over I could have easily gone home happy just for the experience that it was. Then we got in another line.
When I realized that I was about to meet one of my heroes I suddenly felt very nervous, out of place, and unattractive. In my wildest imagination I would have never expected to do this. I had the opportunity to tell him how much his music has touched me and what a great influence it is in my life. I thanked him for coming to my own little world and blessing me with his gift of songwriting. Then he shook my hand, posed in an awkward picture and signed my t-shirt. When I asked God to comfort me this week, I can honestly say that He outdid Himself this time.
As I sit here writing about this experience (because who could sleep after all that?) I cannot get past this one thing. I find it utterly astounding that this night seems to be a glimpse into my future. Some day when I least expect it I am going to be invited to the greatest concert in the history of the world. I am going to stand with others like me and worship my Creator surrounded by the most wonderful music. Then when I least expect it I am going to come face to face with Jesus, my ultimate hero face to face. I am going to have the chance to look him in the eye and tell him how much he means to me and thank him for the powerful influence that he has been in my life. I am going to thank him for coming to my home, a place in the middle of nowhere with less than desirable weather conditions. I now fully understand that there is so much to look forward to on a day when I least expect it. Not only will I look in the eyes of a man I admire, I will look into the face of God and tell him exactly what He means to me. I simply cannot wait.
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Now that the flowers and chocolates have been devoured and admired, life can finally get back to normal after V-day. For all the married folk, Valentine’s Day was a glorified excuse to get frisky in the bedroom or pampered and spoiled. The embittered single person deemed the holiday “Singles Awareness Day” and the happily attached preferred to swoon in their intoxicated smooch fest after hours. Personally, I am thankful that the day is behind us for the simple fact that I can build up my bank account before the next wave of holiday hype is upon us. Thankfully, it’s almost over, folks. Easter is the last major holiday until July. God bless America.
I suppose I should apologize if I sound cynical. I have no reason to be sad or bitter about anything because I am married and I did receive my fair share of pampering this weekend. I have a good man and I’m thankful for him. However, I couldn’t help but feel some grief for those who spent the day in solitude. I have many people in my life who are either not attached to anyone significant or simply cannot be with the one they love at this time. Honestly, it breaks my heart and if you’re one of those who celebrated Singles Awareness Day yesterday, I was thinking of you and praying for you.
Yesterday morning I read in the book of Genesis about Rachel and Leah, two sisters married to the same man. The situation was quite dysfunctional, even by today’s standards. While my devotional centered on the character of Rachel and her sorrows and joys, I could not help but feel drawn toward her sister, Leah. Leah was the unloved wife, the one battling for her husband’s affections. Rachel had Jacob but Leah had children and that made Rachel exceedingly jealous. Not only was Leah vying for her husband’s love, she had to deal with her sister’s raging jealousy over child rearing.
She strived to make Jacob love her by breeding sons but she would never feel good enough. Her sorrow consumed her and the only way she knew to deal with it was to keep bearing children. Out of Leah’s sorrow and anger she taunted her younger sister, watching Rachel writhe with her own inner demons. She probably missed their friendship and I imagine she felt quite alone in the world. Surrounded by people she loved, she herself remained unloved, even hated. My heart breaks for her and every woman like her.
For the woman who feels not good enough, alone, and in constant competition with the world, my heart cries. I understand the agonizing pain of not feeling good enough, of being surrounded by people and feeling completely alone in the world. I understand and so too, does the Lord your God. His name is Jesus and he too has known the pain of solitude.
On the day he hung on the cross, his heart cried out, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me!” At that moment he understood loneliness more than any other human being on the planet. Separated from the love of his Father, friends, and family Jesus was alone, broken, and completely despondent. It would be three long days before he could return to love again. When he did, he made a way for each of us to go there with him.
Because Jesus suffered in his loneliness he made a way for us to be wholly, completely loved in ours. Unlike most men, he keeps every single promise, he always wants to hear to you talk, and he truly listens to everything you say. His love is more perfect, more real and lasting than any other. In His eyes you always good enough, always beautiful and you are always loved completely, madly, and infinitely. In a world full of ugly green frogs, He makes a darn good Prince.
Yesterday I grieved for the grieving but today I am rejoicing in God my Savior. Care to join me?
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Lately it seems like I am surrounded by things that are beyond my control. Loved ones are grieving for senseless tragedies, home mortgages are going belly up, and there is a general feeling of quiet chaos. The snow storms across the country seem to be an allegory for my life right now. Baby, it’s dang cold outside.
I have never lived through a tornado warning so I don’t know what people do when a massive storm like that barrels through a city. From what I understand from watching The Wizard of Oz, the best thing to do is hit the basement and ride the thing out. So that’s what I’ve decided to do. This week I’ve been taking shelter in my basement and I am riding out the storms in my life. On my knees, in my prayer closet and away from falling debris, I am safe from the torrential havoc that is everywhere. I am shutting out the noise so that I can be still before the God that is so much bigger than I can comprehend. I am watching, I am waiting, and I am listening for a sign that it’s ok to come out into the sunlight again.
Psalm 25
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, I trust in you; let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
Indeed, let no one who waits on you be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.
Show me your ways, O Lord;
Teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
For you are the God of my salvation;
On you I wait all the day.
Remember O Lord, your tender mercies and your lovingkindnesses,
For they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth,
Nor my transgressions;
According to your mercy remember me,
For your goodness’ sake, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord;
Therefore he teaches sinners in the way.
The humble he guides in justice,
And the humble he teaches his way.
All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth,
To such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
For your name’s sake, O Lord,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
Who is the man that fears the Lord?
Him shall he teach in the way he chooses.
He himself shall dwell in prosperity, and his descendants
Shall inherit the earth.
The secret of the Lord is with those who fear him,
And he will show them his covenant.
My eyes are ever toward the Lord,
For he shall pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses!
Look on my affliction and my pain, and forgive all my sins.
Consider my enemies, for they are many;
And they hate me with cruel hatred.
Keep my soul, and deliever me;
Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in you.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
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So I joined the bandwagon and decided to choose a word for 2011. I pondered and prayed about what one thing would be my theme for the year. What exactly is the message I want to convey to others about me? What do want to convey to myself? I thought about all the things I struggle with, all the things I need to let go of, remove, or set aside. I remembered the pain of a few hours earlier and the battle of finding worth amid the rubble. What is the word that sums it all up in a nutshell? The word is Freedom.
This morning I was reading about Hagar and Sarah. These two women produced two nations that would battle to the death for rights to a blessed promise. One child was born to a free woman, the other to a slave. Both nations believe they are the rightful heir to the riches of a royal inheritance. Only one will benefit. Which nation am I? I choose to be free.
I choose to be free from worry, anxiety, depression, pain, addiction, wastefullness, slothfulness, guilt, regret, fear, and bad choices. I choose to live in the fullness of life. I am not chained to my past and it cannot hold me captive. I am not bound by the future because only God can see tomorrow. Whatever I have done has been forgiven. The choices I make today are only as effective as I allow them to be. I am free. I am royalty, an heir of Christ, precious, loved, and wholly saved from bondage. I am free.
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So I've been doing this writing thing for a while now and I've been told that I'm not half bad. Every now and again I get commissioned by someone to add a little bit of me to their plethora of talent. Honestly, it's daunting and... what's that "i" word again? Intimidating. It is intimidating to put my hand to something that may or may not produce pleasing results. This then, is my own curse. Hi, my name is Sherry and I am afraid of freelancing.
I freely admit that I am afraid of taking the plunge and jumping into the icy waters of freelancing- writing for publication. I have a few friends who have some real talent. On any given day I can drop by their websites and stock up on tricks of the trade and opportunities to go further with my writing. For whatever reason, I seem to be stuck here in the land of "What am I, nuts?" What could I possibly have to offer the outside world? I'm one, tiny insigificant creature and the writer's market is highly competitive. Besides all this, the wealth of jobs available is simply overwhelming. I get all brain-foggy just thinking about it.
As the month of January steadily creeps on by, I am reminded that I made a vow. I promised myself that I would inch my way out of my comfort zone and do something I've never done before. I also promised myself that I would make money doing it. As I stand here atop my diving board and peer into the olympic sized pool of writer's jobs, would you say a prayer for me? I'm afraid to jump but I don't want to just stand here either. I'm freezing and that water looks so inviting...if only it weren't so far away...
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January 17, 2011 was a big day. The world had much to celebrate. Yesterday we honored a great man who did great things. Dr. Martin Luther King was a hero in every sense of the word. His love, grace, and humility forged a path of forgiveness that would change the world forever. He ran his race and finished strong, never wavering in the task set before him. On the last day he was carried home to freedom, wearing the same badge of love and peace that was birthed in him. Because he refused to give up or back down, the world slowly became colorblind. Because he did it in love, his legacy remains and people are still colorblind today.
In a small, insignificant corner of the world, a few hockey fans also celebrated a milestone. Our hometown hero, Patrick Marleau played his 1,000th game. This is significant because he has only worn one NHL uniform during his entire career. Marleau has been a San Jose Shark since the day he was drafted in the NHL. Over the course of his career he has remained a force to be reckoned with, garnering respect from teammates, opponents, and fans everywhere. His integrity and commitment to the game make him an easy favorite. Today he is still running his race, still wearing teal, and still succeeding where others have failed.
I look at these two men and all that they have accomplished. Though vastly different, they are much the same. Both of them had their eyes on a prize and stayed the course. Adversity, opposition, and physical pain did not stop them from reaching for their dreams. They ran their race and they finished strong, wearing the same colors they started in. Everything in me wants to be just like them.
When I leave this world I want to be remembered not for what I’ve done, but for what I have not done. I want the world to remember that I did not give up, quit, or change my uniform. I want to be known as someone who ran her race, finished strong, and never once thought of retreating, selling out, or moving in the interest of comfort or riches. Every day that I am alive is a new opportunity to change my world, and take another step closer to my prize. Today I am reminded of how far I still have to go. There is much in my life that needs improvement. Today is a great day to put on my jersey, step onto the ice, and go after my dreams. How do you want the world to remember you?
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Dear 2011,
First off, I want to say thank you so much for your arrival. Your predecessor was beginning to wear out his welcome. It is truly wonderful to see you. As you may have guessed, 2010 was a bit challenging for me. Because I have trouble multi-tasking, things don't come as easy for me as I wish they would. While I welcomed the opportunity to write for Everyday Christian, I abandoned my other writing jobs because frankly, I'm not good at juggling. As it turns out, all I really need is the gentle nudging from a few encouaging, uplifting friends to remind me why I'm really here. I'm supposed to keep writing.
I am looking forward to all that you have to bring in the coming months-another birthday, more opportunities for spiritual growth, a strengthened prayer life, and hopefully, new friends and new adventures in parenting. This year I hope to grow as a writer, a wife and mother, and most especially as a Christian. I hope to read through my entire Bible, write more articles and maybe even get paid for one or two. Ihope I learn how to get my child to eat an entire meal in under 60 minutes. I suppose that's reaching high but one can never underestimate the power of chocolate now, can one? Oh, and I can't forget--I hope I raise a ton of money at my Relay For Life marathon in April. I can't wait!
To all my friends who have supported me and watched me grow--thank you! I'm looking forward to sharing my journey with you!
I love you a big much!
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